tryin hard???...

hmm... smtimes i tink back upon wad i hav done so far wif my life... *or rather... these few yrs lah, to be more exact...*... n i m tremendously surprised n shocked at how some things in my life has turned out for me... i hav drawn close to some pple... lost touch wif some pple... alienated some pple... n to some extent... i dun deny tt i hav taken to hate some pple b4... tho tt feelin is more or less gone now... not becos the situation improved... but rather... its cos im immune to tt feelin liao... smtimes its a disappointment wif myself over how i handle things... wad happened to all the promises i made to these pple???... smtimes tinkin abt it makes me feel like some silly little hypocrite who simply makes promises and destroys them in such a cruel way tt i wonder if its actually me doin it... seekin their forgiveness is like so hard becos if u simply dun speak to tt person... where in the world do u seek forgiveness frm???... so the natural thing *but not very sure if its the rite thing* to do will be to avoid... avoid the problem... avoid each other... treat tt person as if he/she doesn't exist at all... haha... mayb ignorin is a form of emotional abuse to the other party... n if tt's the case... i must say tt im a big stupid abuser... for i hav done such a cruel act to a few pple b4... its my fault to begin wif... n if those few pple r ever goin to read this... im truly sorry... :(
but of course... some positive things also happened durin these last few wks... for one... i've drawn much closer to some of the guys in class... as well as some other pple... which is gd, i tink... its super tirin havin to tink tt ur world is actually so small... when it isn't really... haha... mayb ultimately... im not the type who can hav a lot of gd frens... but rather the type tt only wishes to hav a few close frens n develop a very strong frenship wif them... mayb tt's one take-away tt i get abt myself... :)
P.S: im glad tt u hav tried to some extent... but im juz sorry tt i cant pass my own barrier... yup... juz hope tt time will slowly erode it away...