Wrong From The Beginning???

bad, bad, bad... these few days hasn't been gd for me... a lot of things hav been botherin me... went to sch feelin both tired n upset... to the extent tt i cld almost feel like burstin out... but luckily i restrained myself frm doin so... a guy of 18-to-be (by nxt wed) shldnt be cryin liao neh... or mayb i juz made things worse for myself... mayb it was my fault in the first place... so i cant really blame u... but do u noe wad it feels like to hav u appearin so indifferent to me???... haha... bet u prob dun... i tot there was a chance of thawin out... but apparently... i tot too much... n gave myself this silly hope which was to be almost dashed the very nxt day... y do we hav to keep hurtin others n ourselves like this???... the more i tink of it... the more discouraged i get at how a gd frenship can turn so sour... ba... dun wanna tink abt this anymore... i will juz try to live wif this...
had guitar exco elections tt day... n jenyi got in... which sparked off all the controversy... fy said tt i was too emotional when im handling stuff... ok... i dun deny tt smtimes... i tend to be easily swayed by my emotions... but the thing is tt i m absolutely not convinced abt y we shld want to reject some1 simply becos he doesn't belong to us... for tt matter... but the challenges ahead if he shld remain in the exco is serious... the sch admin... n the club by itself... how r we goin to explain to the failed candidates tt an NJC guy got in but they dint... when its the HC guitar club???... not tt im havin men2 hu4 zhi1 jian4... but its goin to be a reality... which im also not sure if the present exco is willing to face... its always easy to say tt we will support him... but den... how esay it is to be done???... but he appears to be sincere to me... n i really cant bear to kick him out n disappoint him tt greatly... esp after his hopes hav been raised... sigh... this is one big prob tt every1 arnd me starts to tell me tt mayb we shldn't hav supported jenyi tt much... since erene, alvin n i were his seniors n in some way gave him quite some backin the the debates... tt the whole issue can simply be solved if we juz get him to withdraw... even my mum tells me tt... but den... will it be fair to him???... or for tt matter... will it be fair to the other pple as well???... juz hope tt we can sort it out well... tolked to jenyi today... well... he said tt he actually tot of backin out on elections day itself... since he knew tt it wld cause a lot of implications for us... tt's a gd heart... but its really a bit unfair... sigh... may this thing end soon... i really dun wish to dwell on it anymore...
who can really tell when the smile on my face is merely juz a prop so tt pple arnd me wont be upset as i m???... hahah... sometimes even i do not noe whether it is true myself... guess a time of solace will do me gd... i really nd to take a break to sort out stuff... n i juz pray tt frens remain frens... n if i were to make a bday wish... make me a less sensitive person... mayb tt will heal everything... :(